I really like Vietnam now. This country is so chill. If you have a problem with someone, deal with it, because society isn't going to. Society isn't going to do anything, or at least it's just falling apart no matter what you do. I've cursed more here than I have in the entirety of my life, mostly because I can't stand the traffic here.

There is just a general lack of order and accountability in everything, from traffic to housing to schooling, etc. I remember the first time trying to pay rent... most frustrating time since i can remember. o_o It's just impossible to be as productive or efficient as in America because you can't depend on anything to work out, as you trust things in America. Trips to the post office to deliver a letter may take a hour or two. And apparently, sending mail from the international post office in Trung Tam will save you about three weeks on delivery, but mail from the Bưu Điện near Hapro will sit there for nearly a month before getting sent.

Once I realized that, i just decided to chill out and work with what i could. print out my stuff and disregard the computer when the Internet's out or the electricity's dead...

So I guess I'll pick up blogging again... seeing as how I've come quite to terms with this country and I very much love it here. lovelovelove it here, from its beautiful mountains and villages a day's hike away to the busy city, with its sincere people. The sincerity and life here are hard sought elsewhere.

I've been posting in my personal blog as incidents come up, but more than not, I haven't been keeping a good record of the things that pass through my mind in Vietnam. I'll post up some blogs from my personal blog because they seem less significant in retrospect. In retrospect, everything isn't quite so bad and it's all worth it. hahaha years from now, we'll look back and say, hey remember that time you broke the thermometer and spilled mercury onto your bed? hahaha yea...

so here's to the last two months, it felt like it has been a lifetime of epiphanies and anxiety attacks, but that it only stretched the duration of a few weeks. How the heck did all this time pass? o_o

Life is absolutely ridiculous here. People and system. xDD

We (Amanda, Diane, Linda, and I) went to visit Anh Luôn to do our laundry and return our water bottle and we saw Anh Gì on the way. We said we were going over to our boyfriend's house to sleep and his reply was: Ừ, tốt quá! xDD

I went to borrow Cô Phương's bike and a really nice xe ôm guy took me. Afterwards, I asked to bike alongside him to get the way home and I had to bike so hard to keep up with him! But he was really nice and actually pushed me along so i wouldn't have to bike so hard. And then after I got to Đường Nguyễn Trãi, I told him that I could make it from there, so I paid him and he went ahead. Then he rounded back after a while to ensure that I knew how to use the brakes and he was really reluctant to let me bike back. ahaha sweet old man.

Tôi yeu ăn bánh trung thu lám!! loveee these little things. <3

i love insect repellent.

There is a similarity between lab and Vietnam: I kill a lot of bugs daily in both places. Except here, they're harder to kill cause i'll squish them and then they still won't die until i freakin pinch them between my fingers. hahaha and between transgenic flies and the bugs over here, I would pick transgenic flies as being a lower risk to humanity any day.

Eccentricities of a life of work to just get by

Now I understand how Asians can be such gamers and can spend 15 hours/day consumed in MMORPGs, such as Warcraft and Starcraft... they have nothing to do or cannot do anything else with their time. o_o" Two thirds of the times that I've visited the little convenient mart across from the phổ gà lady, the guy who works there was playing Warcraft like no other and only acknowledged me when I went to pay for my items. It's quite understandable; he has nothing else to do all day but manage the shop, so if he has the computer and the time, why not play? And because he has to manage the shop, there's not really anything else he can do with his time, so he doesn't have the ability to invest it in school or anything. Maybe he could study in the shop.. but to what means? Is he going to do anything with it or is the rest of his life stuck on that corner?

Also, the photocopy guy across from the alley (as well as many many other inhabitants of Hà Nội) trims all his fingernails except a few super long one... like super horrendously disgustingly long. D: It's usually their thumbs or their pinkies. I assume it aids in counting the pages that he has printed and etc., although it seems to function secondarily as a useful nose-picking tool. And they especially like to pick their noses while out in traffic for some reason too.

Because everyone's business is run in their home and is directly in the manufacturing industry, we get a chance to glimpse their home life, as well as how products are actually made. I've finally solved the mystery of how book pages are so even on every side, because every time I staple a pack of pages, they are never even. It's because they have an amazing paper cutter that will cut whole sides of books. I've also learned how books are bound... with staples and tape. Seeing how everything is actually manufactured makes me realize how little I understand anything in life, besides theory and principles. I consume so many products, without the slightest idea of how they are manufactured. Things are actually a lot simpler than I thought; I just never really gave it any thought before.

I'm going to blog on random stuff and then when I have the chance to, or whenever i feel like it rather, reflect on it. It's hard to reflect on stuff when you don't feel like it.

MSG is everywhere. that, or the food just tastes really freakin heavy. I asked Diep today if there's a lot of oil and fat in their foods or is it just because I'm eating out all the time and she said it's also at home because people love their oils. *cringe* i love my cheese sandwiches and cereal then. o_o

I think my mail to lab didn't have enough stamps on it. ;___; now they'll never know what became of me. I'll just send mail straight from the post office now then. It's the only trustworthy source of info around here. I mean for goodness sake, the Chinese Bưu diện across from school is a freakin eatery, although a good one at that. The eatery on the corner is super nice too. (:

Dragonfruit and mangosteen are so delicious! Just a reminder, dragonfruit should be approximately 20k/kilo so i don't get ripped off. sooo delicious! too bad they're going out of season. it seems like all the good fruit is going out of season. o_o

We tried to go swimming at the rec center yesterday and IT IS CLOSED FOR THE REMAINDER OF THE YEAR... starting 9/7/09. ;____; super disappointment because I was thinking of going their regularly to get some exercise. ouch. there's another pool somewhere downtown but that's so far out. Maybe when i find better transportation. Or some other form of exercise.

Hạ Long Ba

Review of this weekend at Hạ Long bay:

- such a nice vacation! lol I think I was somewhat expecting this to be a cultural experience that we were supposed to learn from, but it ended up as a straight up weekend cruise getaway :P
- i wish i did learn more about the history and legends of Vietnam though
- they're so tourist-y focused that the water's all polluted. it costs $250.000 for 4 minutes of parasailing, but to restart the engine and run the boat only for 4 minutes each time they have a customer is really spilling out a bunch of gas into the ocean water. it was kinda disgusting swimming in it.
- the tourguide was super energetic and joyful. i gave her good reviews and props for trying, but we were just kinda dead throughout the trip. :P
- i love being out at sea at night. you can see all the stars and it's just so peaceful!

Another week in Vietnam, time is starting to pass so quickly ! Last week, it felt like it was passing so slowly, but now, there's always more to do and more to see. Things are turning up. (:

This week...
A lesson about thief in Vietnam! D:
We went near Hồ Hoàn Kiếm to try a Thai restaurant and I got my phone stolen afterwards! I'm not sure what happened but I know I had it in the restaurant and then when I got home, I didn't have it anymore. Either I left it in the restaurant, someone took it while getting a taxi, or I left it on the taxi. I've called it several times afterwards and this man picked up who denied that it was my phone and said I had the wrong number and then hung up on me. Jerk.. he'll get his comeuppance.... In any case, it's gone and I'm glad I brought an extra phone along with me in case something like this happened. Now I'll know to be extra cautious with this one and keep it stored away at all times.
But at least we enjoyed chưới chiên at the restaurant and had a really awesome taxi driver. His name is Anh Thành and he's the sweetest guy ever. I have a lot of pity for him because his life is so rough, but he still has such a nice personality. He gave us his phone number and I called him to ask if I left my phone in his taxi and he said if he found it, he would have returned it. He called back to see if I found it yet and told me to be careful because there's a lot of theft around Hồ Hoàn Kiếm. Now he's our personal taxi driver. (:

Mom and Pop shops.
Most, if not all, of the shops in this district are owned by a couple or a family. This in itself brings about a certain atmosphere and allows for interactions not possible in the States. The other day, we were eating lunch on the corner outside the Nhà Khách and had some conversations with the women who work there. It felt like there were no social barriers and we asked them about all sorts of things, including whether we were using correct Vietnamese. When Linda asked what chè she could make with dried longan, the woman offered to make it for her if she brought it over.
Then we went to have some chè the next block over and received the same welcoming, familial hospitality (even though the sữa chua wasn't that good xD). She conversed with us and then gave us advice on how to choose good bananas because she was afraid the ones that we chose would give us stomach aches. She welcomed us to come back anytime and just hang out and converse if we pleased.
Both these experiences really embody the sense of family in this community. I've gotten the same vibe from many other places too, from restaurants to cafes to random street vendors. It just seems like the community is full of people who treat their customers as people, not business, ie, they care for their customers. Although this goodness of human nature may exist in the States (I don't doubt it doesn't), the way things are run doesn't allow it to show and occur. Restaurants in the States are mostly chains, run by corporations, hiring employees only for the intention of serving. However, this type of service isn't the same caring service of Hà Nội; it's more formal, some may call it more attentive to customers' needs, however it lacks the same sense of personal sincerity that occurs here. And even if the employees are caring people, the workplace doesn't allow the opportunity for this interaction to occur; employees are given many tables to look after and when they're not needed at the tables, they have other tasks to attend to. Even when not busy, employees congregate behind the counter because the way the restaurant is built, there are separate locations specifically for employees and customers. Most eateries in Vietnam have enough space to house ten to fifteen people simultaneously, so with such a small number, there's much more opportunity for the workers (also the owners probably) to interact with each customer. Franchises in the states focus on expanding, in order to offer more service to more customers, however as a result, there is less personal connection to the restaurant.

Rough lives
This topic is an ongoing one, interwoven into the theme of community here, and it's definitely one that is overt, overlooked, misunderstood, and multi-dimensional. The community works together out of necessity; the harshness of their lives hold them together, because it is all that they have, but it's still extraordinary.
Our taxi driver, the amazingly kind one, is only twenty-six years old. He doesn't have a college education and doesn't seem to plan to get one because he needs to worry about surviving day to day. He begins work at 4, and doesn't drop off the company car till 10, 11, or 12 o'clock often. He gets 2, 3, 4 hours of sleep a night daily and the rest are naps during the day. The car is his responsibility to take care of, including all gas costs and repairs if it gets damaged. His salary is a 40% commission. He usually eats meals costing 15,000-20,000 VND. He usually gets 6 days off a month and he's been working in the same condition for the last 3 years. His life is so harsh, but he's lucky to have a job and he's amazing to keep up such a kind personality. I can tell he really wants a girlfriend; it doesn't seem like there's much else to live for in his life, but it doesn't seem like there's much opportunity to do anything except work everyday. Many others are like this, and many more may be worst off. I acclaim this society for its sense of community, however I do believe it's a worthy trade to gain a more economically stable life; that opens the door to so much more, without necessarily closing old ones. These glimpses into the harsh truth of reality here keep things in perspective, and show that not all development is bad. Change is the lesser of two evils.

28.08.09: Visit to the Manor, a mega-urban city venture of Bitexco

For an introduction to these new urban development projects and particularly, a look at the Manor, visit: http://www.usm.my/ijaps/articles/1%20douglas(1-42)1.pdf

Taken from the Bitexco website:
"The Manor is the newest, most exclusive residential development in Hanoi.
It boasts of a medley of high-rise, mid-rise, and low-rise buildings, as well as attached and semi-detached villas.
But more than a luxurious home, this self-contained community has offices, restaurants, retail stores, cafes, and other world-class amenities, offering the residences a highly sophisticated lifestyle."

Some points of interest during our visit:

1. The exclusivity.
Each community plaza building had at least 10 police officers guarding it when we arrived. They stood at each entrance and denied us entry when we approached as a mob of tourist. I spoke in English, in an attempt to use my foreign-ness as authority. It failed. They said only residents were allowed in, and even friends of residents could not be permitted, unless granted permission. When asked where to get permission, the guard didn't say. We tried another entrance, and they shooed us out again. It seems we were too conspicuous and touristy, with our notepads and cameras.
As soon as we split up into smaller groups and were a bit more subtle, we easily walked into the community. It seems that they are acting for the best of the residents, keeping out possible trouble and disturbances. However, I believe it was a bit overdone, as we came with a resident and the resident could not even use her authority to gain us entrance. Also, a few police officers are all that is necessary to keep out community disturbances, such as street vendors and beggars. As it was, it seemed too exclusive, too private, no trace of ties to the rest of the city whatsoever.

2. The loneliness.
Once inside the residential property, I saw a total of 2 people, after seeing more than 5 officers. One man was leaning against the fence in front of his house on the sixth floor and a girl rode the elevator with us on the way down. None of them spoke a single word to any of us, or smile either. This was such a difference from what I've experienced in the streets and villages of Ha Noi. Everywhere else we go, the locals always spring upon us with guesses of our ethnicity, questions, jokes, and many times, advice for our wellbeing. Even the swimming pool and playground looked lonely. They were on the first floor, instead of the ground floor, so at ground level, the wouldn't be seen. What struck me as most uninviting was the playground. It consisted of three units of stationary play equipment on a trimmed lawn that if in America, I would guarantee was fake grass. Here, I've never seen fake lawns yet, but the effect was the same; it looked too clean and uncomfortable to welcome anyone. It stood completely without shade, open to roast anyone who dared to touch its metal poles and had nothing to really work one's hands around. There were no sandboxes, no cycles, no balls; there was only numerous slides and handlebars.

3. The international touch.
Singaporean Kindergarten, K-Mart, Vietnam Airlines, KFC and European furniture. Ornate Chinese carvings and a nude statue of acrobats. I was really surprised when they understood and spoke English. The shops all seem to be made to market to foreigners, even having exchange rates for American dollars, offering higher rates for exchanging larger amounts. I assume they want a foreign community, rejecting the Vietnamese peasant community of Ha Noi, even though they are rooted squarely in it. They did it very well too; the K-mart was entirely Korean goods, featuring legit Korean brands and foods. The Highlands Coffee was stuck up, having those fancy bill holders for every bill, not at all reminiscent of a cafe to hang out at. Get in, have a sip, pay, get out.

4. The complete detachment from the people of Ha Noi.
As with the shops that focused on foreigners, every building in the Manor seems to not be made for any typical Hanoian. The mall was full of expensive brands and products that are unaffordable luxury goods, as was the shops around the community. The guards that patrol the residential areas. The architecture that kept the Manor wrapped in itself and not open to the public roads. The mall was the most disappointing; it was very similar of an American mall, except without any trace of life.

The charm of a community is the interaction that it provides, offering communal locations to explore, spend time with friends, go people watching, meet someone new. In order for this to succeed, the two have to work together, the buildings and the people of the community. The Manor completely missed this point; it doesn't interact with the locals at all. Instead it is trying to bring about a new community, one of foreigners, investors, and the wealthy.

By separating itself from Ha Noi physically through architecture and urban organization, it is also separating the people inside from the locals. Hanoians and foreigners who stay within this community will not experience the rich culture that Ha Noi has everywhere else in the city and so, it is causing a loss of culture, legacy, and identity for the city.

Soo.. goals for the next four months and life. hahaha here's to planning for living a whole life.

I believe in the pursuit of happiness. I also believe in Aristotle's view of the soul and body. haha yea, the two are intertwined in my mind. Aristotle said that the soul and the body are two forces that should always be in conflict with each other to develop one another. If left alone, the body would just do whatever it wants, and so it is up to the soul to control it. Only when the soul is in constant struggle will it develop and lead a good life. Or something something. It's been a while since Humanities Core Course.

But anyways, I can crossapply this to happiness in that happiness is a constant pursuit of something new, especially knowledge. Learning is amazing, and only through learning and experience can the pursuit of happiness be done. So there is never an end to living a whole life, only the constant pursuit of new knowledge.

With that said, my goals in life are to:
- be happy with who I am and what I have
- show gratitude for all that I have
- never be too content though! contentment leads to futility.
- try. explore. learn. overcome. discover.
- and then spread the message to others

This study abroad business is a huge step in that direction for me, as it absolutely introduces me to something new and I'm having a rough time adjusting, but hey, it's not like life is ever going to stop or pause right? It'll sweep you up and you just gotta keep going, whether you like it or not, so you might as well make the best of it!

To apply these goals to the four months that I'm here, my more immediate goals are to:
- appreciate Vietnam and discover its essence; the epitome of Vietnamese
- appreciate being able to live here, getting along with everything
- take back the good things that I've learned
- meet new people, explore new things, GET OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE

Hmm concrete stuff I want to accomplish:
- talk to more locals. befriend the locals. find out who the nice ones are.
- get to know my classmates and fellow EAPers! what's their stories? And Gerard too (:
- learn to read and write, and speakkk speak speak Vietnamese
- read at least one news article in Vietnamese a week
- write in Vietnamese, once a week
- find out what the locals think are problems with their community and try to integrate this into the NGO. work with the locals for the NGO.

Anyone want to point me in the right direction/ give me ideas? (:

The community of Vietnam

Another thing that caught my eye upon arriving here at the Dai Hoc Han Noi was the sense of community in the university. In the middle of the community was the university park, with a field, some badminton courts, and some volleyball courts. Everyday in the evening, the park is flooded as locals come to play. As previously mentioned, these people live very active lives. Not only do they get enough exercise in daily tasks, they exercise everyday. It also builds a community as they play together, sharing time with their own family and families of others in the community. Kids run up and down the street that runs just outside the Nha Khach, undaunted by cars and motocycles that pass. These kids are not under the constant watch of their parents, but they have the community to look after them, as a collective, and the cars that pass by seem to be aware that they are entering a community area so they know to slow and be aware of children.

Even inside the Nha Khach, men gather everyday to play volleyball. There are usually 12 players, and they were welcome to us EAPers joining. I don't whether each player know the others personally, however they enjoy playing together, and they play wholeheartedly, in the heat, roughing it without shoes.

During the day, the fields may be empty, but the community is still alive. The adults are off at work, but kids continue to play in the streets, or around the buildings. On our way to S Club, we passed a group of youngings playing soccer right in front of S Club, on the steps. Other times, we see the adolescents playing hacky sack or peteca in large circles pretty much everywhere on campus.

There is such a sense of community here that I enjoy. It's hard to find that in America, especially somewhere as urban as Southern California. It is practically nonexistant in Irvine, but there are still traces left in Fountain Valley, in neighborhoods with parks built around them, where neighborhood kids can congregate and have some fun together. However, in Vietnam, this is a part of daily life. They are so built on family, both the immediate family, and a community of families taking care of each other. I find that absolutely amazing and I would love to bring some of that back to California. (:

Avarice and Generosity, a two-sided coin in Vietnam

So on with the blogging about experiences in Vietnam..

hmm where to start?

Life flipped upside down pretty much the first week we arrive here. Even as we tour the city and visit all these sites so new to us, there have been little traces of a different style of living that's going to make me adapt to something completely new. For example, life here is extremely more active than life in the States. Not to say that's bad or anything; I rather enjoy all the walking and stuff, it's just tiring. And sweaty. ahaha. Ooh and the oily, fatty food. That is going to be something that really irks me. However, I guess it'll complement the walking around that we do, up the down flights of stairs all day.

The people here are amazingly nice, but it's too soon to say; many will rip you off immediately and others will not attempt to take advantage of you whether they can get away with it or not. However, that is not to say that I can classify them into groups upon seeing their interaction with me. It was startling to see their interaction with different groups of people. I have seen them attempt to rip us off over five times within the first week. I have seen them treat other EAPers much better because they are more fluent in Vietnamese. But there seems to be a different side when they treat those who aren't foreign. At a phone store I went to with Linda, an old vagabond woman wandered across. I believe she was either very old or handicapped, but she was begging for money. She only had to ask once before the man working in the store went to find some money to give her. He did it without hesitation; it was so selfless. He didn't proceed to try to rip us off (or at least not to the extent of my knowledge), however I can crossapply his actions to many other locals. To them, we are just a bunch of rich tourist. Their life is business, and it's very hard to come by. And so, they'll do whatever they can to make a living out of their work, and seeing as how we are so wealthy in comparison, they are not going to think it such a bad thing to try to take advantage of our wealth. However, they know how harsh life can get here, as they are barely making by. So when they see someone else who is not so fortunate enough to make a living, whether physically unable to, uneducated, or just ill of luck, they don't hesitate to share their good fortune. I believe some consider it a social responsibility to take care of those who aren't able to take care of themself, because it's a community and everyone understands how hard it is to try to get by. It's also reflected in our families in America; the refugees that continue to send their savings home, and have done so ever since leaving Vietnam. My parents do so, even though the very much disagree with helping the Vietnam government in any way.

So to sum up, I'm not going to hate on them so much if they try to rip me off, even though sometimes I really want to punch them in the face. To me, it's a big principle; it's just not right to charge foreigners higher prices; it's like intentionally lying to someone, because we don't know how much it should. However, I guess it's not a big principle in this culture.

Something that ties in with this is bargaining. I've already written about my abhorrence of bargaining here although as they've taught us, the underlying purpose behind this is to get a fair price. The locals try to even out the large wealth disparity between tourists and themselves in a fair way by bargaining with tourists. If both parties can get to an agreeable price, then the transaction is made. Otherwise, the tourists are free to bypass the store, as there are the same merchandise just a bit down, or the store owner will just tell them to not do business at that store. Bargaining is, by definition, compromise, and that is fair because it is upon one's fault for accepting the price. I just don't like the effort.

On dispelling things that my parents have warned me about (as well as the whole Asian population of SoCal), Vietnamese people aren't super obsessed with money. They are not always out to get your money, nor are they willing to share if they have a fair amount of money. It's just easier to note upon here because it is such a big issue here, an everyday ongoing issue that the locals must think about.

culture shock, maybe.

dang what a country. I don't really know what to say about it because going into details would be bound to overlook something and I'm not really able to catch the essence of this country anyways. Not yet maybe. I'll let random thoughts carry to where they might.

- everything in transition. development. chaos. people. business. land. progress isn't the word, but something's stirring.

- air conditioning keeps me barely sane. intermittent internet = -10% sanity

- "bia hoi (beer) is an integral part of the curriculum" - UC HANU 09 Facebook page. Facebook is also a part of the curriculum, as it seems that everyone has it here. The teachers also ask that we post our assignments on their wall for them. Paper is precious and to print would be asking too much!

- bargaining my head off on a very small vocab with ladies that can easily rip someone else off

- i miss proper english teachers so freakin much. hahaha this lady had this french-english-viet hybrid that neither the viet nor the UC students understood. what the heck was she saying? xDD

- cravings for chocolate. if i could replace the oil in my food with chocolate, i would be drowning in a sea of chocolate. Then i would be a very happy person. As it is, i'm drowning in a sea of oil. hahaha

- diahrrea, constipation, period, herbal medicine, tiger balm, squatter toilets, and a lack of toilet paper; it's all here and it's all an endless cycle.

- hoa qua dam and sua chua. yummmmm

- beauty, beauty, everywhere and not a comfortable spot to see it from.

i think i actually have fallen into depression and the whole culture shock thing that they warned us about. I wouldn't say i hate it here, but I don't enjoy it. i'm not happy to do anything, i'm not happy to do nothing. if i could, i would reverse it all, stay in the comfort of my homeland, America. but freakin, this is also my homeland. I know vietnamese and i can't understand a freakin word these people are saying. They in return, don't understand anything pouring out my mouth, but not much of a surprise. They treat me like a foreigner, some mock, some scorn, some take advantage of. The kind ones, the ones i leech to, i feel bad to be a burden. So i retreat, to the intermittent internet where connections to America and a past life of ease awaits. And all the while, i try to reflect on the beauty of this place; Vietnam's truly a marvel of innocence, caught in development and it's obvious that modernization is tearing it apart. I wish i could help it, really really reallyyy. Maybe that's where the NGO assignment comes in, although that can't be done without friends, and those can't be made without uplifting this smothering blanket of depression.

my i'm so snooty autobiography

My autobiography

An autobiography, a review of one’s life. Sounds like a simple assignment to get to know one’s peer, but this is, or should be rather, a reflection of one’s own self, getting to know one’s own self better. I’m not sure how to start off, what to include, or what to omit, but here goes. I write very verbosely by the way.

I was born in Fountain Valley, California, and have stayed in Orange County all my life, all besides this self deployment to Vietnam. Grew up with the standard, the Asian parents who wanted, needed, forced a better life upon their child, complete with the eight years of piano, random dance and martial art classes, straight A’s in school, and ambitions of doctor-try. Not to sound spiteful, but it was just so unappreciated and mundane at the time that I never gave it full credit and still haven’t found a way to convey my gratitude for it. It wasn’t until the end of high school that I actually started to think for myself and realize what I had. By that time, I had dropped piano and missed it sorely, and I began to realize that that wasn’t the only thing that my parents were right about.

Somewhere between college and now, I realized that education is the gate to everything, beyond a successful career; it begets a successful life. It gives the ability to realize one’s ambition and strive for it. In high school, I still had the A’s and continue to have them (almost), although I didn’t appreciate them until college; now I work for them with all of strength, because they are the means to pursuing my hopes. I also never thought much about my interest in science, letting it carry me as it would, until I nearly changed my career path. I’ll get into that more when I write about my high school experiences. However, to this day, I am grateful to my parents for implanting me with a strong education, even when I didn’t know what it meant, because they gave me the means to do anything when the time came.

College came as a shock to me, such a change of conditions. I knew to expect the parties and the clichés, but I didn’t realize that it would define, refine, and send me soul-searching so much. Initially, I sent my SIR (Statement of Intent to Register) to UCSD, however on the SIR due date, I decided to change my decision to UCI, having given more thought to the benefits that accompany UCI. I lived in the honors dormitories my first two years, surrounded by peers who encouraged and inspired me. Upon arriving, I was expecting parties after parties, it being the first time many of us had a chance to live away from home. However, the environment around me was completely unexpected; there were indeed festivities the whole year through, but at the same time, it was a completely motivating environment. The other students in the dorm, many of them now my closest friends, knew what they wanted to do, why they were doing it, and were fully disciplined on getting there. There was ambition flowing through their veins and determination rooted in their hearts, things that had never really found itself to me before. It was in this environment that I saw who I wanted to become and set about changing myself. I saw that I had a desire to pursue medicine, and so I jumped headfirst into it, loading myself with classes, and grabbing opportunities left and right. I was so full of fervor to take advantage of all the things around me, as I had been unaware of them before and had foolishly let them slip through my fingers, spending my time in high school relaxing idly.

My sudden excitement to act during the first year caught up to me last year, my second year of college. Fall quarter, I was suddenly overwhelmed with a plethora of activities, from academics to extracurriculars. I had a loaded summer, starting my management minor and taking classes in advance to allot time to study abroad the following fall. I also took an Emergency Medical Training course, a move I have never regretted, and interned at a hospital, doing three times the hours expected because I knew I would need to finish early in order to spend the summer at a research program that I planned to attend. Come fall quarter, I dived headfirst into research, heading my own project, rather blindly. I also took classes intended for third-year biology majors, a move that the counselor rather didn’t recommend, but I thought it necessary if I wanted to be able to free time to take other opportunities available to me. On top of that, I continued to intern at the hospital, was vice president of the Honors Student Council, and co-headed my own autoimmunity club. I stumbled much the first few weeks and finally crashed and burned half way through the quarter. My research was going nowhere, Physics class terrified me, sleep was rare, time was nowhere to be found, and stress was driving me insane. My friends helped me re-evaluate what I was doing, and I realized that although I had the right intent, this was nowhere near the right approach. What I had mistaken before as a path towards the goal of helping other, was actually a path of self-destruction, empty and fruitless. I saw that what I had admired before was actually character, and I started to work on knowing what was best for myself. Even though I could take all these classes and do all these activities, it wouldn’t be of any benefit unless I took care of myself first and was able to put my heart into it. I ended up dropping physics and pacing myself in research and my studies. By the end of the next quarter, I was able to get ahold of my classes and research. I enjoyed the classes that I took, the activities that I did, and especially my research. I was no longer doing my own project, but I was working under the guidance of postdoctorate Victor Guh and Doctor Professor O’Dowd, both figures who have inspired me with their passion for their work.

Ever since my first year, I knew that I had wanted to study abroad. Initially I was planning on studying in Spain, but after realizing that my Spanish wasn’t proficient, I decided to change my course to Vietnam. The prospect of studying abroad both captivated and terrified me, although it terrified me more as the time came closer to leave my sole homeland. I never really traveled much in my life, besides trips to visit family in Canada that usually lasted only a week. I had only been to Vietnam once, when I was very young and can’t remember much about it, besides that we lived in my aunt’s multistory furniture store, she had cats everywhere, and there was relief from the endless heat in her air conditioned room. However, different environments held the allure of a culture so incredibly different from mine, a culture that gave way to people who, although they interact with me daily and did the same tasks that I did, thought in an entirely different way. I wanted to understand why people acted the way they did, what values governed their lives, and how they thought. It was only by knowing their background and way of life could I begin to understand the way they behaved. It was essential to becoming an understanding physician and friend.

I never attended Vietnamese school before college and my parents never actually taught me much about the culture of Vietnam. They had renounced it upon starting a life here and hadn’t looked back. When introducing them to the idea of studying abroad in Vietnam, they were rather bewildered, asking why I wanted to study over there when I was fortunate enough to be in the states and people were trying to come here to study. My mother thought I was going to either die in Vietnam, or come back a permanently handicapped person. In the end, they let me make the decision, although it was clear that they disapproved. In the summer after my first year of college, I took a Vietnamese language course at a community college, although that ended up being a complete joke, and the woman showed us Vietnamese tourist videos all day. She herself had never been back to Vietnam since leaving after the war, and she didn’t want to either.

In the quarter and summer immediately before departing, doubts were springing left and right about my trip abroad. I was giving up so much to go. I continued research up to a week before departing, and made plans to continue as soon as I return. I also finished up my internship, making plans to return post study abroad. My classes, studies, and extracurricular activities are on hold. My father recently came down with something, and I wish I could be there to support him or at least spend more of my summer with him, because I was away at school all year. If I could have changed my decision, I would have, because there was too much to live for in California.

Goodbyeeee.

Orbituary: Roh Moo-Hyun

Roh Moo-Hyun is a former president of South Korea, a country currently torn by corruption and oppression. He was considered very radical because he was an anti-corruption president, and also he came from the populace, starting as a peasant who made his ranks through law school and political campaigning. In office, he made many enemies with businesses, bureaucrats, and other politicians, as he overtly denounced grafts and tried to redistribute wealth from the rich to the poor.

Beyond his distinctive, and tumultuous tenure as president, it was his personality and character that caught my interest. It seems like he didn’t have the mind of a typical president, yet he continued to strive to better Korea through his term. He admitted that he felt “incompetent” coming into office, and treated those who did attend university with disdain, as he was not able to. He was also diplomatically and socially awkward, packing his own instant noodles on diplomatic trips. However despite his insufficiencies, he never swerved in his condemnation of bribery and political corruption; in the end, it was his family that accepted bribes, and even with those, there are mixed views of whether these monetary transactions were truly bribes or donations. It seems that, though unknown to him at the time they occurred, his family bribes became his downfall; he felt like he had betrayed the people and left office a broken man. This eventually led to his suicide off a hill above his hometown of Bongha, although the suicide is also viewed with skepticism, many believing that he was assassinated.

I skimmed through several other obituaries, although I chose this one because I had heard a bit about the controversy of his death already and wanted to read more about both his life and death. His entire history is unique, because he started off as a peasant and worked his way up to presidency, had a very tumultuous term although kept to his principles, and then returned to peasantry to retire, jaded and disliked by his people. It is also interesting that after his suicide, there was a sudden shift in his perception, as if the population suddenly changed their dissatisfaction towards him to reverence. To me, this shows how unaware the people were about their own president and the state of things around them. At the time of his term, the population was criticizing him because his actions were radical and created much friction between the bureaucracy, however they did not credit him for sticking to his principles. It was only postmortem that the population decided to turn an auspicious eye, and that was brought about by pity.

Roh Moo-Hyun can be a model because despite the futilities of his term, he continued to stay with his principles and never fell prey to the bureaucrats around him. Also, he demonstrates perseverance and diligence because he started as nothing and worked to raise himself to a position where he could create change. However, I would not follow Roh Moo-Hyun in that I would not try to enact my aims in such a radical way. I know my limits and I feel that I would better achieve my ambitions with small steps, creating gradual changes to control the consequences.

Bargaining is such a pain in the butt, especially when you don't know how to speak the language. It's so disappointing because they don't seem interested in bargaining, although you know they're ripping you off. And then when they give you an outrageous price, you wince in shock, give a lower price, and then they're just like "shove off." Well, I will, and you'll get what comeuppance. Haha not to sound spiteful or anything; I'm just frustrated at the bargaining, or failure thereof, and I believe people's actions will catch up with them, whether good or bad.


Thank you very much to Linda today for bargaining a shirt for me this afternoon. Got it to 85k from 100+k? I would have quit a long time ago, but she was up for it. (: It wasn't even that nice a shirt, although I'd rather not wear my nice shirts here, cause they're going to get screwed up. I'm going to just buy a set of cheap clothes for Vietnam. Hahaha i don't even know if i can get it for as cheap as I do in the US... $5/shirt? :P

Intro into EAP VN

First blog! Whoooo! (:

It's my first week here in the beautiful city of Hanoi, Vietnam, sitting in Wayne's room, Sunday before school starts.

I'll lay down the basics about our time in Vietnam before delving into random entries:
- roommates: Linda, graduate student at UCI, and Amanda, undergrad at UCSD
- UC EAP participants: 20 in total, some graduate, mostly undergrads
- mentor and VN in Transition professor: Gerard
- classes to take: Vietnamese Language, Vietnam in Transition, Corporate Finance, Strategic Management

uuhh more as i think necessary?